Dear Dad

 Dear Dad,

It's Father's Day and nearly three years since you've been gone. I don't know why either one of those is significant; they're both things I want to block out and forget about. This day comes like your birthday and the anniversary of your death - sudden and ruthless. I'm reminded every day that you are not here and in that sense, every day had become "Father's Day". I think about you all the tie, no matter when or what is happening. Sometimes it comes at me stronger, but so often I want to ask you what to do. I want you to fix it. It's a strange want because even when you were here I was well aware that you couldn't fix everything. But looking at the past 3 years or so, there has been so much disappointment, so much heartbreak. How is that? Were you really the Gorilla Glue that would have prevented any of this from happening? Destroyed relationships....did a couple of those destroyed relationships need to be destroyed because I was too reliant upon them and they weren't good for me? Shit, it seems so messed up to think that you had to die to open my eyes, to save me.  I just want the saving to bring peace; immeasurable and inexplicit peace. There is still so much that hurts, and a lot of days it doesn't seem like there is any remedy. Nothing can make this better.  I went to a concert last night - Dave Matthews Band - and out of nowhere they played a Led Zeppelin song. And not just any Led Zeppelin song, but Fool in the Rain, as if they knew. They don't cover that song, but on the night that I saw them for the first time ever, they decided to play it. And there you are....